Turtles Eating Things

Posts Tagged ‘turtles eating’

Snapping Turtles – do they really want to hurt you? do they really want to make you cry?

1968 – detective, Prune Tracey is working on the disappearance of Jimmy Nine-Fingers, a known mob can collector and part time snitch. It’s been two and a half weeks with nothing, not a word. On a hunch, Prune orders a search of the lake. Most likely Jimmy Nine-Fingers has been sleeping with the fishes. Problem is – he’s been down there a while. Not a floater, see. Activate pre-MacGyver-styles.

Body finding kit: 2 avocados, ball of string, lit match and a snapping turtle..

Snapping Turtles don’t have teeth, but they have a crazy McCracken style hooked beak that will snap your hands off if you give them half a chance. Anything that gets in the way of their little snappy face and SNAP they grab onto it. Detectives used to tie string around their shells and let them off into the lake until snappy starts munching on old Nine-Fingers and stops moving around. Found.

Fun fact – the original plot for Gremlins involved regular pet turtles that get turned into snapping turtles and go around killing all these people. The opening scene was a backyard pool with a little snapping turtle at the bottom that kills the main kid’s sister. But then they wanted to make it PG so they took out the killing and gore. That left them with a microwave and little teddy bear animals that didn’t eat anybody.

Turtles become self aware

August 29th, 1997 at 2:14 a.m. (Eastern time), Turtles become self aware.

And by that, I mean they learn how to not need opposable digits to eat things. Essentially, they surpass the Human race at eating.

At this point all that I can recommend is that you have your ‘Go Bag’ ready and you know the way to a ladder with your eyes closed. Turtles are not yet accomplished at the ladder. May wizards protect you and yours.

Ba nanana na na na na, Ba nanana na na na…

this turtle has vision. he doesn’t see his size, and see the banana’s size and think ‘i can’t do this’. he’s like, ‘i’ll take it on, cos i’m a turtle. i am THE turtle’. and that’s what he does.

and that’s all well and good. but you know, maybe he’s not really getting it the way he’s supposed to. he’s small and the banana is big for a reason. turtles just can’t appreciate the complex taste of a banana. and that’s not me talking – that is SCIENCE. i mean look at the size of that little mouth. he’s chomping on the edge pieces, and that’s all he’s getting. edge piece taste. he’s not getting a little piece of edge, a little piece of almost middle and a little piece of actual middle tastes. that’s the way the banana was supposed to be eaten. he’s just not getting it.

now let me be clear on this. i hate bananas. the smell of those bastards could make me throw up on the spot. like sniffing milk in a carton. spew. anyway, i can’t stand banana smell so let’s not bring it up again. i used to like my banana scented hula hoop though when i was little. it was more like lolly bananas though. now that’s a smell i can get down with.