Turtles Eating Things

Archive for November, 2009

i think we’re alone now

You know what? The world doesn’t understand people like you and me. Remember that. I am probably your only real friend. The only one who will ever understand you. Those people out there, they can’t appreciate the euphoric stupor we get at the sight of these Dark Crystal-like creatures and their happy little faces. The gentle sway of leathery green as their jaws “munch munch munch” away at berries, lettuce, mashed potatoes. That confusing glassy gaze, the useless claw-hands, the weird beak-thing.. Ahhh. I could go on for hours! So could you. But let’s just keep it between ourselves, okay?

i think we’re alone now. there doesn’t seem to be anyone around.

Turtle murders entire family..

I know turtle lovers, it has been a while.

What can I say?  I fell into line, wore dark rimmed glasses, trendy jeans and did what The Man told me. I purchased a mixed dozen of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. I played Hoops for 12 days straight and only I earned 604 tickets. I pretended to listen to a friend’s review of Mao’s Last Dancer. I walked past a Crocs store and didn’t mumble a single smug comment to myself. I even passed up the opportunity to turn my dog into a tiny zebra.

But the saddest thing of all? I forgot about the turtles! I think we all did and now it is time to repent.

Please keep sending in your turtles!

turtles@turtleseatingthings.com